thoughts escaping

random thoughts that keep escaping. i hope to tie them all up, loose end to loose end. but the ends whip in the breeze and i'm left with strays.

the smell of blommer chocolate factory. it's wrong to be breathing in chocolate heaven and know that you are going to have to enter the sterile office space on the 14th floor. a place with no windows and unending glare reflecting of the fluorescents. it's hard to describe the culture shock i still feel. and when you coat me with chocolate before going in, well, i always want to trace the smell back first.

the way people seem so unhappy. on the trains. in the street. i'm not romanticizing it. this is palpable most days. i don't think people are really aware of themselves. it puzzles me.

the way i talk to my co-workers. i feel like an odd duck (ah those ducks). i speak the language of informality blended with a sincere desire to be honest and kind. it comes out sort of strange sometimes in the environment that we're in. but i can't help myself. i don't know how else to be, nor do i want to.

today i feel small. just getting there. didn't even wander outside today. too cold. too gray. too dismal. all of too much. so i went to the fitness center and walked a slow pace on the treadmill for 30 minutes. reading my book. ah, that's the nice thing about riding on the train. i find my desire to read has increased tenfold. so i'm happy on the train. though i have found it a bit hard to get used the feel of it's rhythms. same way with the building. i'm aware of the floors quivering at times. sounds that are distant and far away. must be the wisps of building manager hanging about me. i hope in some ways that never goes away.

though sometimes i worry that all of the floors are just going to come crashing down. smoosh me. i wonder if other people worry about this too. will i ever get used to this?