suspicious men

today the police were all over our building looking for a suspicious man. what made him suspicious, i do not know. all i know is that the event caused quite a bit of a buzz in my office. i don't know if they found him or not. they never did finish the story for us.

so i went to the breakroom for some water and there was a strawberry shortcake sitting there for everyone to share. i'm sure it was from some luncheon or meeting. so much food around here! anyways, i had wanted a little cake so i went to grab some and i had the weirdest experience. two women, yes a little heavy, started talking about me in the third person. like this:

"Oh, watch her. Watch what size her piece is"
"I bet she ain't gonna take no big piece"

I tried to ignore it but of course they kept at it and i grabbed a little piece and said, well, if you saw what i ate this weekend,you'd understand why i'm not grabbing a bigger piece.

I liked the fact that they weren't apologizing for their size but it felt weird to be picked on for being small.

i need to stop eating sweets all together. an impossibility it feels like. i need to join desserts anonymous.

i'm learning html at work. which is very cool and will help me in the future. i just know it.

meanwhile, my body is hurting everywhere.

west randolph

So, I just got back from a delicious walk west on Randolph. Here’s what I found:

1. toy wholesale warehouse – how can we get in? We need to distribute toys.

2. 2 meat markets with good prices

3. plant warehouse – I need plants for my habitat and didn’t want to ride with one (or six) on the Metra

4. restaurants, restaurants, restaurants – sushi and many others with outdoor seating

5. galleries – found three walls - http://www.three-walls.org/ ­- we need to go! And this is only 15 minute walk from my work.

6. doggy hotel

7. and of course, hair salons

wind storm

the wind is extremely strong today! wowza! i just walked down to the Sears Tower and was nearly blown into the road. everyone has been telling me that i work close to the sears tower but somehow my internal compass did not match up the location. it's only about 10 minutes from here and there is a really cool little park area right across from it. there is grass and trees and adirondack chairs to sit in. i loved it. must have lunch in the park next week. but the wind! okay, you just have to experience it.

today i've been crazy busy trying to get some projects off my list and out the door. a near impossibility at times with the way this group functions. it's okay. i just have to learn to slow down. but i don't know when to stop and wait or to run and chase someone down. still learning.

i do feel better about belonging here and understanding the culture. it also helps that the other new person is a fello goth, so i now have someone to talk alternative with.

a thought that just crossed my mind. i recently saw an ad for a skin lotion that's claim was that it contained urea, a natural skin softner. i thought urea was in urine. it is! so if i take my urine and rub it on my skin will it soften it? did cave women do this? did they care? all i can imagine now is some neolithic cave woman going through her grooming ritual and applying the standards for women grooming ritual today.

and this is advancement?

asian celebration month

downtown in front of the daley plaza, a small bazaar of sorts was set up in celebration of asian american heritage month. there was live music and crowds gathering under various tents exploring clothing, jewelry and who knows what else. i didn't participate because the crowds were so large and i was on my way back to the office after running errands. i really didn't have time though i was intrigued. if i had had more time, i would have just thrown myself into it and let the crowd wash around me.

two people who stuck out today.

1. a woman who had gums as long as her teeth. here smile was equal portions of gum to teeth. it was a bit strange.

2. a boy who at firs i thought was a girl by the way he was dressed. cute little top and tight jeans rolled up to look like crop pants and cute little shoes. add to that his butt and hips were not unlike mine and i thought he was a girl for about a half a minute. then i saw his facial hair. boy.

a couple of good finds

two things of note.

1. there is a binny's downtown within walking distance of where i work. it is located at hubbard and franklin. i think. definitely franklin. not sure about hubbard.

2. small post office at clinton and lake. very easy to walk to. no lines. in and out in minutes and this was at noon!

also i wonder how people handle passing gas in their habitats. i mean, we all have gas, but i never hear anyone. i wonder if people are controlling their gas like me. i don't think this can be good for any of us. i know this is an "unspeakable" subject.

also, i really am starting to like how people 'volley' words over the habitat walls. at first it really put me off. but now i like it and am finding myself becoming more involved in these 'conversations'. still, it's weird to sit and see no one and randomly yell out thoughts. you don't get any of the visual cues you get from face-to-face interactions. another strange way our society is developing.

exhalation

i realized this weekend that i've been holding my breath, waiting for that second childhood that will not come. you really don't get it back. but i miss my 4 year old, 6 year old 10 year old. miss those feelings of being versus these adult descriptions of being. but i finally exhaled.

the scent of chocolate today was powerful. it was the first thing i smelled coming off the metra. if you can imagine sitting in a small room in your house with chocoloate fondue saturating the air, this is how intense the scent is. usually i smell garretts popcorn first as i come out the first set of doors from the train. then i head down the stairs to exit onto washington street. in the food courtyard there is a ribshack and that's the next smell to greet you. the smell of smoke and bbq at 7am makes me salivate. butter and then ribs, what could be better?

i made a judgement on this woman sitting next to me on the train. she seemed to think she was privileged or some other thing. she took up most of the seat with her body and bags. refusing to move the bags to the floor. she then took up the space by reading the newspaper. which, by the way, she dropped to floor as she finished each section. why? she believes it's someone elses responsibility to pick up after her? she just seemed very selfish and self-absorbed.

dogs with badges

so walking by the boeing building this morning and saw my favorite sniffing dog. a black lab who just begs to be petted.i don't. i keep walking. but today as i walked by i noticed the dog has his own badge. i mean a silver star badge like a sheriff. it hangs on his collar and just made me laugh. i wonder what boeing does about security with the metra trains running below it.

i spend my morning yawning and looking through quotes trying to find the "perfect" one for a cover of a booklet. i'm still so new that i'm not sure which direction to go. and everything, i mean everthing, seems to be done by consensus in my work place. i understand it's good for teamwork and making everyone feel that they are involved but sometimes i miss just being able to do what i need to do without approval from everyone. hmmm. i guess in some ways i just hate having to have approval by everyone. except of course when i'm trying to be liked. i want these people to like me. it's a strange sensation and one that i haven't had in while.

metra lemmings

one thing i love about downtown working is the metra. i love the ride. i love reading books. but i hate the lemming effect once we hit olgivie station and everyone pours out of the trains. there must be ten trains that all dock at once and the crowds shuffle along looking for the first revolving entrance. then we all get in line and wait our turn in the crevice. then we shuffle down to the next revolving door where we wait our turn in the crevice. i absolutely hate this part of the day.
i watched a blind man find his way in this mess. i worried about him because of the stairwells that exist on the platform. the stairs that that lead you down a different track than the revolving doors. i saw him catch the post in the middle of the platform but didn't wait to see how he would handle the stairs. there was a line of people there. would he get caught in the line without knowing why? or did he know that people lined up for the stairs as they did for the revolving door. did he ever just once fall down the stairs because no one told him about it. i think blind people are brave for working in this downtown atmosphere.

when i come to the bridge - going to work or coming home - there are the homeless begging. one on each side of the bridge, like poverty bookends. i wonder about them too. i heard once that a 'homeless' man actually made more money than me by begging. he owned a house and three cars. had a family and spent his day begging for money. i wish i were brave enough to make my living through begging. my mennonite sensibilities wouldn't allow it though.

riding home last night on the train i fell in love with chicago alleys - again. i love the alleys here. but last night i kept seeing these rows of alleys with garages backed up against it. one after the other. and i wanted to live in the garages and have access to all of the alley living that must happen. it all seemed so lush under the burgeoning shower of green that was slowly coming forth on the vines and bushes and trees surrounding the garages.

threads and clothing

i keep looking at men's suits and thinking that they have a very interesting array of textures and fabrics available that i don't see for working women. do i need to go to a suit store to find them? i go to old navy and h&m to buy my work clothes. i think i've done quite well with the wardrobe but still. and shoe styles! okay, first women started wearing these very long pointy shoes. very long in the toe. it looks weird. now i see men doing it! i mean the shoe extends maybe 4-5 inches past the toe area. why? why would you want that look? but then again, i'm a clumpy shoe girl, so the pointy toes alone bother me.

the other thing that makes me laugh at humans in general are these 'professional' crop pants. don't get me wrong, i bought two pair. but really they are funny. professional dress slacks that are cropped with a cuff. why does this seem wrong to me.

my habitat has one real wall. it runs against an outside hallway where i can hear the click click click as the women walk. it's really loud when i have my headphones on, i can almost feel the clicks.

the blommer factory was in full force this morning. spreading chocolate goodness throughout the downtown. mmmmm.

is it wrong that i took the only magic marker that smells like grape for my own personal use?

boeing

every day i walk past the boeing building. and every day, there in the service drive, is a truck, back door open and security guard with dog sniffing through the packages. the dog is a german shepard and i really want to pet him. i wonder if he sniffs for bombs or drugs or both. would someone try to bring in drugs? that really doesn't make a lot of sense but the bomb thing does. okay, so what would happen if they found a bomb. how much of downtown would be evacuated? i'm only a block away, so i would definitely want to get away from the building. but who would tell me? just another thing to worry about. i mean, i'll try not to worry, but i know it's there.

the other day we had a meeting in a what i call 'the international room'. it had all of these chotchkies from around the world on display. two of note were a small little shield made out of sticks and what appeared to be deerhide. the other was a whole animal tail by itself. i think a cow or something similar. i found this to be disturbing.

i love this building that they are deconstructing across the street. one by one they are removing the floors from top to bottom. i get such a rush when i see the large bin of brick and mortar being dumped from 20 floors up! it makes such a great swoosh sound and then the bangitybangbang as it all hits the ground.

warmth through a croissant

It’s the beginning of my second month at this new job. There are a few things that are unexpectedly wonderful about working downtown. Hot croissants. I would not normally find this wandering the streets of my neighborhood, but downtown it is easily found. There’s a fabulous bakery called Bon Bom or is it Bom Bon...not sure, but it’s on Washington between Wells and LaSalle. If you stop by around 9:30 in the morning, the croissants are just coming out of the oven and are warm and buttery. I love them. I am eating two today. I don’t care about the calories. I expect my computer to read my finger scan as “too buttery” instead of the usual “too fast” or “too short”. Why can’t life be customizable?

The duck eggs were gone today. I wonder which predator got them.

I am slowly adjusting to my little square of space, known as a cubicle, but for the purposes of my life is referred to as my habitat. I believe habitat implies that I might have a running trail or exercise wheel. Something that has space and freedom. Habitat. If I could somehow remove the overhead lights, I would actually be really okay in this space.

thoughts escaping

random thoughts that keep escaping. i hope to tie them all up, loose end to loose end. but the ends whip in the breeze and i'm left with strays.

the smell of blommer chocolate factory. it's wrong to be breathing in chocolate heaven and know that you are going to have to enter the sterile office space on the 14th floor. a place with no windows and unending glare reflecting of the fluorescents. it's hard to describe the culture shock i still feel. and when you coat me with chocolate before going in, well, i always want to trace the smell back first.

the way people seem so unhappy. on the trains. in the street. i'm not romanticizing it. this is palpable most days. i don't think people are really aware of themselves. it puzzles me.

the way i talk to my co-workers. i feel like an odd duck (ah those ducks). i speak the language of informality blended with a sincere desire to be honest and kind. it comes out sort of strange sometimes in the environment that we're in. but i can't help myself. i don't know how else to be, nor do i want to.

today i feel small. just getting there. didn't even wander outside today. too cold. too gray. too dismal. all of too much. so i went to the fitness center and walked a slow pace on the treadmill for 30 minutes. reading my book. ah, that's the nice thing about riding on the train. i find my desire to read has increased tenfold. so i'm happy on the train. though i have found it a bit hard to get used the feel of it's rhythms. same way with the building. i'm aware of the floors quivering at times. sounds that are distant and far away. must be the wisps of building manager hanging about me. i hope in some ways that never goes away.

though sometimes i worry that all of the floors are just going to come crashing down. smoosh me. i wonder if other people worry about this too. will i ever get used to this?

washington street bridge

for those of you have never walked around downtown chicago you might not be aware of the way the river winds through. there are bridges that cross the river at every street - madison, washington, randolf - when you're crossing one, you can look at the river's path and see bridge after bridge after bridge. I cross the washington street bridge every day to get to work.

what's different about washington is that the 'sidewalk' is not concrete like the other bridges, but made up of planks of wood. probably not 2x4s but I haven't gotten down on hand and knee to view them from the side. probably much thicker than 2 inches. when the buses roll by all of the boards seem to move individually and yet you can feel the bridge bounce and buck as a whole. odd sensation. along the board walk are little trap doors that I have not tried to open, though I am tempted. but i'm a little afraid to have the bridge drop away and to be standing there on those boards, old boards, been there since the bridge was built boards, and to have that all drop away and be left leaning too close to a gapping hole. I'd most likely fall in as my mind made up hitchcockian vertigo sensations.

I wonder actually if I can open them. they must be locked or dumb people would open them all the time and fall in. now I'm going to have to find a way to check this out. last night as I left work and walked over the bridge, I saw two ducks on a group of pillars. there are these islands of pillars along the way in the river path. these two ducks had laid their egges nestled among the pillars. it was so strange to see these ducks making their home and starting their family on those pillars. three eggs. big eggs. momma duck was pulling wood threads from the pillar and finishing the nest. i'm going to take my camera and try to photograph them today. it's sucky rainy so not sure it is feasible but don't want to miss the chance to photograph the mixture of wild and cultivated together. i mean, how many of us can say we grew up in the shadow of the lyric opera?